I’m kind of a boring person. At least, I think so… I’ve always done the “right” things because that’s how I was raised. I general had a “clean cut” look even if it wasn’t very feminine. Anyway, last week I shaved part of my head. Intentionally, yes.
Of course I was nervous. My hair probably hasn’t been that short since I was forced to wait for it to grow in as an infant. The scissors were honestly the worst part. She trimmed some of the hair away and the snip-snip-snipping made me feel uneasy, but it was done. The hair fell away and I looked at myself and knew that my mom would hate it, but that was okay.
I have done things outside of my comfort zone before and I felt like this particular thing wasn’t professional so I wasn’t sure I should actually do it, but then I remembered that I’m getting old and now is the time to do some of those “wild ” and “reckless” things I want to do simply because I want to do them.
I was surprised by how many people loved it as soon as they saw it. “It’s so you.” “It’s so cute.” “Oh my gosh, I love it.” “You’re bold.” That last one is a favorite of mine, mostly because I don’t consider myself “bold.” People seem to assume that because I teach theatre that I am somehow incredibly confident and outgoing. People forget or don’t realize that I was not born into theatre, I was converted to it. Not only that but I like to be off to the side directing not acting. So I honestly feel like I tend to do things that allow me to blend in if I can… I feel like I did something very unlike me and did something that the real me would totally love, but normally wouldn’t do because I worry about what other people think and I don’t want them to stop liking me or be disappointed in me because Ivee done something they wouldnt’ do themselves or maybe just don’t like the look of. I’ve teasingly told ex boyfriends or crushes that I was going to shave my head to see what their reactions would be…but I like my hair, I wouldn’t want to part with all of it. That’s scary to me.
The other popular response has been “why did you shave your head?” And I think the reason is that I needed a change that made me feel good about myself and allowed me to express myself in a way that was non threatening and not entirely permanent. Obviously I can’t just unshave my head, but I can cover up the short areas with other hair and hair grows back. And I kinda figured any guy who is going to love me for this life and the eternities will be able to love me because of, in spite of, or even despite some my hair style. Plus it makes me feel like Lagatha from Vikings…she’s kind of one of my heroes these days…
I met a new friend this week. I think she’s going to help with the plays.