Sneak Peek Into My Irrational Female Brain

I’ve been thinking about relationships. Not just romantic relationships, relationships in general. I have been thinking about the relationships I have with my family, with friends, with people I teach with or for, with the students I teach, and people I don’t yet know. I became a teacher because I want to help people. I care about people. I want them to have opportunities to live better lives and I think that I can do that as a teacher. This mentality, of trying to bolster people up, bleeds into other aspects of my life, though sometimes I have a difficult time really accomplishing what I set out to do because of fear or hurt feelings.

Truthfully, I will probably be writing around the idea of romantic relationships here in this post, but I think it’s natural to want any of the relationships with the people in our lives to be meaningful, uplifting, equal, and easy. I’ve seen quotes like these lately…

because obviously we still love each other

i believe no matter how bad the fight, as long as our feet find each other underneath the sheets, everything will be alright – the story of us

because it takes two

if the feelings are mutual the effort with be equal

because it is hard to give up on something that made us so happy

she’s standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take

just a fact - at least for me

i fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily, and care too much

you have to work through the problems together

you can’t just give up on someone because the situation’s not ideal. great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems. They’re great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.

just because you're hurting doesn't mean our responsibilities go away

sometimes all you can do is smile. move on with your day, hold back the tears and pretend you’re okay.

Pretty wide ranges of emotions, probably the stages of grief or something if you really look at them. And of course, there are others. Ones that remind us that the one who walked away will be sorry, but they aren’t always sorry are they? Sometimes they walk away and find something that truly makes them happier. There are ones that remind us that we will fall in love again some day. Yeah, that’s true…but unless you have learned something, made a change, you may be doomed to repeat your mistakes.

I’m female. I know, you’re shocked, right? 

At times, I annoy myself. I get frustrated with the way my brain and my heart think and how my imagination goes wild and tears me down. I am my own worst enemy. A lot of times, I’m completely aware that whatever I’m worrying about is out of my control and that what I’m imagining or feeling is not reflective of reality; it doesn’t change the fact that I am worrying. Haha, I’d be the first one to admit that I overreact and over think situations…from time to time.

ridiculous

But when I care about someone? When I have decided that I want that person to be happy, that I want to be part of their life and them part of mine? I can’t help myself. I can’t seem to keep myself from thinking that I will screw something up. That when they are having a rough time I need to be there for them, to help them emotionally if nothing else. I want them to share their misery with me. I don’t care if it has nothing to do with me or if I can’t actually do anything to change the situation. I want to be “burdened” with the frustration and the sadness. Why? Who knows… Maybe I feel like it means they trust me and they care about me the way I care about them. That they want me to be part of their life even when things aren’t going smoothly.

women tend to prefer solving problems through emotions while men through actions.

women tend to prefer solving problems through emotions while men through actions.

Reflecting on this, I realize that – at least for this femme – when I really like a guy, I want to be there for him. I realize I just said something along those lines, bear with me. I don’t want to wonder if he’s “okay” or why he’s not okay. I don’t understand someone wanting “space.” Why? Because even if I don’t want to talk about what is bothering me, even if it can’t be fixed, I want someone, the guy I’m choosing to spend my time with, to take my mind off the problem. So when I am pushed away, so to speak, because the guy is “dealing with it” on his own, it doesn’t make sense to me. It’s hurtful. It’s torture. And no matter how many times I remind myself that I have done nothing wrong, that whatever is causing the distance and silence can’t have had anything to do with me, there will always be a part of me that will wonder, “What more could I have done?” So, when it’s someone else struggling, I will keep poking that bubble…trying to establish that connection and offer my help…

doanything

i swear, i will do anything to keep you happy. i’ll take care of you when you’re sick. i’ll cuddle you when you’re cold. i’ll tell you funny stories when you’re sad. if you need to b!@#, i’ll listen and b!@# with you. i’ll cook for and with you. i’ll sing to you when we’re on long drives. if you want to go traveling, you know i’ll be right by your side. we can do absolutely crazy and adventurous things together.

But…

feelstupid  forgethowtofeel

likecrazy

 

And media tells us…

notworthit

 

So eventually…

heavy

nottoworry

Let’s be patient with one another. But moreover, let’s communicate. Don’t let your bad day keep you from expressing appreciation, concern, or love for someone else.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s