More to the Story

Well, Happy New Year!

We have survived the Mayan prediction of the world ending. We have survived another election. We have survived hilarity, exhaustion, new beginnings, long drives, long flights, longer conversations, heartbreak, confusion, hard work, grief, and forgiveness (both the receiving and the giving).

Christmas brings with it a lot of emotions and while I am a “strong” person and personality, I was no stranger to some pretty intense emotions during the month of December that felt like they would destroy me (they kind linger like a bad after taste). Highs and lows, though to be honest it feels like mostly lows right now. Haha, even I can only take being around a certain brother of mine for so long without becoming habitually grumpy. But, in about 5 days I will head back to my rigorous schedule of school and student teaching. And I hope to add in a steady work out routine and change in eating habits. Pseudo Paleo and exercise! I’ve got new songs for my iPod, so watch out!

December held a lot of good movies released. The Hobbit came out and I got to see that opening night with an old roomie and good friend. That was a pretty fun decision. I had student teaching the next day, haha. It turned out alright in the end.Then I saw it a few days ago with my mom and brother. I really liked the music in that one, especially the songs with the Dwarves singing.

My Two Favorite Dwarves!

Fili and Kili

Tonight I went to see Les Misérables. I had never seen it, nor had I heard many of the songs. But I really enjoyed the movie. It was sad to dislike Russel Crowe and I was impressed by how well the actors sang. I had heard that song On My Own, that Eponine sings, a few times and never really understood it. But, it made total sense tonight. I had a feeling it would and that I would likely end up in tears? But I didn’t. The part that was more touching were the songs Jean Valjean sings about Cosette and also the song at the end when he, Cosette, Marius, and Fantine all sing together. Anne Hathaway has a pleasant voice and she is really doing well in changing her acting career. From princess movies, to Cat Woman, and now Fantine.

I’ve felt more grief, confusion, and sadness the last few weeks than I anticipated. And though I continue to read, pray, and try to focus on other things I feel more confused and less certain about the future. It’s true that now the next two and a half years can be much less complicated as far as school and work are concerned, but where I had a very definite (exciting and happiness inducing) plan for next year there is now a great deal of uncertainty and sadness. Though I have discovered some things that I know I do not want in my life in the future.

I know that I should probably take this time to improve myself, to further strengthen my faith and my talents, but somehow it still feels like things are not in the right place that once were. That perhaps the pieces fit, but the colors don’t fit there in the puzzle to complete the picture properly.

Now that this post has truly become depressing…here’s to a New Year. Things can really only go up from here! I know that there must be a break in the clouds coming. It doesn’t stay dark forever and it is darkest before the dawn, yes?


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