Tonight was the first time, in what feels like a long time, where I didn’t have to do homework or spend the last few hours of the night before bed preparing for the next day. I had the opportunity to sit with my housemates and work with a 7 year-old on her homework. It made me very grateful that my mom helped me but also made me do my own homework. At times it felt like it would be very easy for me to give up, after all she isn’t my child and therefore this is not my responsibility. But it was actually pretty fun to help her and see her start to catch on to some of the concepts (like verbs as action words). We worked and laughed with her mother and her younger sister and it was so simple and rewarding. I’m excited for the time in my life where I can help my own children with their homework.
I’ve been reflecting on this year and looking at where I am and where I started. So naturally I was reading my journal (Yes, as strange as that may seem I have a journal I write in – by hand – that is separate from my blog) and found this quote that I had written in:
Patience is not indifference. Actually, it is caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit both to The Lord and to what the scriptures call the “process of time” . . . Sometimes that which we are doing is correct enough but simply needs to be persisted in -patiently- not for a minute or a moment but sometimes for years.
-Neal A Maxwell
This got me thinking and like I already said, I was interested in the idea of the “process of time.” Well, the same wonderful man gave another talk in which he explained the “process of time” to mean “eventually.” He also went on to explain that:
Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised . . . we often need the “process of time’ in order to come to our spiritual senses. (Luke 15:17) . . . generosity can replace animosity. Reflection can bring perception. But reflection and introspection require time. So many spiritual outcomes require saving truths to be mixed with time, forming the elixir of experience, that sovereign remedy for so many things. . . How could there be refining fires without enduring some heat? Or great patience without enduring some instructive waiting? . . . The enlarging of the soul requires not only some remodeling, but some excavating . . . Moreover, we find that sorrow can actually enlarge the mind and the heart in order to “give place,” expanded space for later joy.” – Maxwell
I have been in the process of analyzing my life and the things that I want to change, improve if you will. I think I’m in need of some remodeling, possibly even some excavating. I have been looking into this idea of the “process of time” which I have come to understand means: eventually. Eventually is one of the most aggravating words, because it involves waiting. It means not now, but somewhere down the road. Or as my mother has said, Delay does not mean Deny.
I’m still not entirely sure what this means for me. I have felt like something amazing is on the horizon, I have felt hope, I have felt comfort and peace in the confirmations I have received, moreover I have been blessed with a strength that is not mine alone and whither I am being led on this undertow I am not really sure. I have also felt the logic that tells me not to be silly. As I said, I am not entirely sure what it all means, but I know ultimately I will be happy. I know that as I am refined, remodeled, and excavated I will become my best and I will be right where I need to be in my career, my religion, my family, and my future as a whole.
I am looking forward to this Holiday Season, for a Merry Christmas spent with my family and close friends. Though I won’t be with some of my very best friends, I send my love to them. May the Lord ever keep you safe.